


Scenes from a Hat

by Shreiking_Beauty



Category: LazyTown
Genre: Cars, Crack, Fast Cars, Inexplicable, Lap Sitting, M/M, No Boundaries - Freeform, Sportacus doesn't share, cowboy, idk what this is, invading personal space, robbie is a slut, sportarobbie, the brainchild of our late night discussions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-03
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2019-10-03 06:04:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17278484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shreiking_Beauty/pseuds/Shreiking_Beauty
Summary: Prompt from my dear dear friend Xeltarious_Mandelinus. Based of that tumblr post "excuse me that's my emotional support cowboy". As discussed, here you are, hope you enjoy!





	1. Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Xeltarious_Mandelinus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xeltarious_Mandelinus/gifts).



> Prompt from my dear dear friend Xeltarious_Mandelinus. Based of that tumblr post "excuse me that's my emotional support cowboy". As discussed, here you are, hope you enjoy!

Robbie Rotten wasn’t exactly a regular at the Lazytown bar, but he would show up on occasion and leave with one of the other gentleman patrons. As such, the people of Lazytown were accustomed to his eccentricities, and were hardly surprised when he showed up one evening dressed as a cowboy.

 

He strutted confidently up to the bar while the other patrons watched with mild amusement, and ordered a whiskey. That was out-of-character: the villain never ordered the same drink, but it was always some fruity cocktail with an unholy amount of sugar. The onlookers figured he was trying to stay in character, although that hadn’t stopped him from ordering a tequila sunrise dressed as a biker, or a pomtini when he came in as a classy businessman.

 

Also out-of-character, he took a seat at the bar, leaning casually on the counter as he took a drink and tried to hide his obvious disgust for the taste. Typically, he would have zeroed in on his target by now and begun flirting his way into some guy's pants.

 

Not sure what his plan was, but not wanting to miss out on the adventure, one of the regulars sauntered up to the bar and gestured to the stool next to Robbie.

 

“This seat taken?” he asked smoothly. No need to waste his better efforts on Robbie; he usually took care of the flirting himself.

 

“If it’s not, I hope it will be soon,” Robbie replied with a mischievous smile.

 

The patron smirked and sat down, signaling the bartender to bring him another beer. Keeping with the charade, he started asking Robbie questions about being a cowboy, to which he replied effortlessly, never slipping out of character. Just as his questions started to take on double-meanings, the door to the bar swung open dramatically, drawing the attention of the patrons.

 

Sportacus had never been inside the bar before, not to anyone’s knowledge, at least. He didn’t drink, and spent his time being a good role model for the town’s kids, never really making any adult friends besides the mayor and Ms. Busybody. To see him standing in the doorway, hands on his hips in typical hero pose, no one knew what to expect.

 

Sportacus stared straight across the room at Robbie Rotten. Usually, after one of his schemes, Sportacus gave him a tired sigh and an eye-roll, shaking his head in exasperation, but he was never known to pursue him in anger. The patrons wondered if Robbie had crossed a line this time, making Sportacus track him down to the bar to . . . what? No one could guess.

 

Taking in a breath that made his muscles strain against his shirt, Sportacus entered the bar with purpose, heading straight for Robbie Rotten. He did no flips or tricks, just stalked forward at a steady pace, back straight and head held high. His very presences exuded authority and sexual prowess, titillating the patrons as they watched him, eager to discover his intentions.

 

As he neared, his attention shifted from Robbie to the man sitting next to him. The man wavered under his steely gaze, but had to remind himself that there was no crime against talking to Robbie. Still, he met Sportacus’s eyes expectantly, although intimidated, to find out what he wanted.

 

“Excuse me, sir,” Sportacus said clearly, evenly. “That’s my emotional support cowboy.”

 

The man’s eyes widened, he raised his eyebrows and blinked, replaying the sentence in his head several times, trying to make sense of what was happening.

 

Ignoring his inner struggling, Sportacus turned toward Robbie, bent forward slightly and slung an arm around his waist, pushing a shoulder into Robbie’s chest so that when he stood, Robbie was lifted from the stool, slung over his shoulder.

 

Robbie seemed only mildly surprised by this turn of events, but clearly pleased. He smiled slightly as Sportacus made his way back out of the bar with as much purpose as he had entered. Robbie looked up, making eye-contact with the man that had been flirting with him at the bar, and couldn’t help making a snarky comment.

 

“Save a horse; ride a cowboy!” he called with a wink.

 

Sportacus, unamused by his antics, gave his backside a firm swat to reprimand him, only serving to make Robbie giggle.


	2. I Like Driving Stick because I Like How it Feels

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go, as promised.

Sportacus was playing a game of soccer with the kids – or rather, they were kicking a soccer ball around. Pixel wasn’t out, so they didn’t have an even number. He noticed the roaring of an engine and caught the ball flying toward him, stopping the game. All five of them looked around to discover the source of the sound.

 

A deep purple Dodge Viper spun around the corner, stopping briefly before speeding toward the park. As long as it stayed on the road, the children would be safe behind the yellow park walls, but Sportacus still tensed as they rushed forward to see the car, exclaiming in awe.

 

The engine roared satisfyingly as it approached, but it quickly slowed and rolled to a stop in front of the wall. The children commented about the impressive car, anxious to see who was behind the deeply tinted windows and eager to meet another interesting visitor to their town. Sportacus was also interested, but now that the car had stopped and was no longer a possible danger, he was much more interested in the vehicle than who might be inside it. All of his own vehicles were flying vehicles, but he had a deep appreciation for cars, as well. In their little town, the only person with a car was Stingy, and truthfully, it wasn’t even a real car.

 

Sportacus flipped over the wall to get a closer look, and the kids followed. The driver’s side door opened, and to everyone’s surprise, Robbie Rotten climbed out, standing proudly.

 

“Robbie Rotten!” Everyone chorused.

 

Robbie frowned at them. “Oh, please! I’m not even in a disguise!”

 

“But you’re scheming _something_!” Trixie accused.

 

Robbie gave her a nasty look.

 

“What’s with the car?” Sportacus asked placatingly. Trixie had a point, but he was willing to give Robbie a chance.

 

“ _Nothing_ ,” Robbie insisted. “There’s no scheme! I just bought a new car and wanted to show it off!”

 

“It’s a nice car!” Sportacus said, the children agreeing and beginning to question Robbie about how fast his car could go and how loud it was.

 

“Okay, okay, yes, but DON’T TOUCH IT!” Robbie cried. “You can look, but keep your sticky hands OFF!”

 

Sportacus admired the car, trying to look in the windows at the interior.

 

“Can we go for a ride in it?” Ziggy asked excitedly.

 

The other kids joined in with a chorus of “yeah, can we?”, but Robbie wasn’t swayed.

 

“No, no, no one under the age of eighteen is allowed inside the car!” he declared.

 

“Well, _I’m_ over eighteen,” Sportacus reminded him. “Can _I_ take a ride in your car?”

 

Robbie stared at him for a moment, clearly having forgotten that Sportacus would be excluded from his rule.

 

“Uh, no, no jumping-beans, either.”

 

“Oh, come on, that’s not fair!” Stephanie complained. “Give Sportacus a ride!”

 

“You said you wanted to show it off,” Sportacus goaded him.

 

“Well, it _is_ pretty fantastic,” Robbie considered. “Alright, one quick ride.”

 

“Yes!” Sportacus cheered, too elated to feel bad for the kids that wouldn’t get a chance. He hurried to slide into the passenger’s side of the car, sighing pleasantly at the feeling of the seat, which seemed perfectly shaped for his body. The interior was all black leather, the dashboard display lit up in neon purple and orange. There were far more buttons than Sportacus could ever hope to understand. Vents blew a cool breeze, Sportacus breathed in that heavenly New Car smell, and he could hear the faint thrum of music that had been turned down.

 

Robbie got in the driver’s side and closed the door, looking at Sportacus and explaining all of the details of the interior. Sportacus didn’t care for the technical lingo of cars.

 

“Are we going out of town?” he asked. “There’s some roads where you can show me how fast this car can really go!”

 

Robbie looked hesitant. “Yeah, I tested it out before I took it into town,” he admitted. He put the car in drive and slowly made his way through the winding roads of Lazytown, passing the waving kids before picking up speed.

 

Wanting to show off his driving skills (maybe he couldn’t win a pedal-power race, but he really _was_ the best driver in Lazytown!), Robbie kicked it into high gear as soon as they were passed the town borders, turning up the volume on his stereo. Sportacus held on to his seat, grinning excitedly as the engine roared and they sped over the straight road, Lazytown quickly becoming a shrinking dot in the distance.

 

Robbie took a few sharp turns, even spinning the car a few times, regretting the damage he was surely doing to his new tires but deciding it was worth it to see Sportacus’s reaction: finally, for once, _Robbie_ was the one pulling off impressive stunts and showing off his skills.

 

Robbie slowed down a bit and turned the volume of the stereo down. “So, what do you think? Fast enough for you?”

 

“Yeah!” Sportacus affirmed with a laugh. “This is a really cool car! I didn’t know you could drive stick.”

 

“I like driving stick,” Robbie informed him with a wink. “I like the way it feels.”

 

Maybe Robbie was imagining it, but he could have sworn Sportacus was blushing.

 

“Hey, uh . . . can you teach me how to drive it?” he asked hopefully.

 

Robbie gave him a perplexed look. “ _Me_? Teach _you_?”

 

“Please?” Sportacus begged. “I haven’t driven a car since I was a teenager, and I have never driven a stick-shift before!”

 

“So? Get your own car and make someone else teach you!”

 

“Please, Robbie? You’re the best driver in Lazytown!”

 

Well.

 

Robbie didn’t need any more convincing than that.

 

With a put-upon sigh, Robbie rolled to a stop. “Alright, one quick lesson so you understand the basics—”

 

“Yay!” Sportacus squealed.

 

To Robbie’s complete astonishment, instead of getting out of the car and switching places with Robbie, Sportacus maneuvered his way over the center console to sit in the driver’s seat.

 

With Robbie still in it.

 

“Okay, hands at ten and two,” he recited, placing his hands on the steering wheel and ignoring the sputtering man under him.

 

“W-what are you doing?!” Robbie finally managed to get out.

 

“Teach me how to drive!” Sportacus demanded.

 

Robbie didn’t have the energy to argue with Sportacus, so he started giving him directions. He soon found the position to be beneficial, guiding Sportacus’s hands and legs with his own, although it was awkward in more ways than one to be wrapped around Sportacus like that.

 

Sportacus picked it up quickly, refusing to take it slow like Robbie wanted, and soon they were speeding along the empty road. Robbie even let Sportacus try a few risky turns, but refused to let Sportacus attempt to spin the car. Even with his quick learning, Sportacus’s driving skills left something to be desired. The jerky acceleration and jerkier breaking was beginning to make Robbie’s stomach feel queasy, fearing for his life, and he was surely leaving bruises where he gripped Sportacus’s hips and thighs in terror.

 

“Okay, I think that’s all I can take for one day,” Robbie said shakily as Sportacus made the car lurch to a stop.

 

“It’s not as smooth as when you drive it,” Sportacus commented, disappointed that he hadn’t been as good as Robbie, even if it was his first try. “Can I drive it into town?”

 

“ _NO_.” Robbie snapped. “Absolutely not. I don’t need to pull up in front of those kids with you sitting on my – uh, lap. They’re suspicious of me enough as it is.”

 

“Okay, if you say so,” Sportacus said sounding disappointed, but he was giving Robbie a sly grin, sliding against him deliberately as he got back into his seat.

 

Red-faced, Robbie glared at Sportacus, but refrained from commenting on Sportacus’s behavior, not wanting to get into that today. He drove them back into town, just in time it would seem, as the kids had begun to think he’d planned to kidnap Sportacus all along.

 

Ridiculous, he’d told them. What was he going to do, drive him out into the wastelands, kick him out of the car, and leave him there? Like he would just stay there and not come back? No, there really was no tricks or schemes this time.

 

However, he made a mental note that Sportacus was infatuated with his new car, and that could be used for schemes later. For now, however, he was satisfied with forcing Sportacus to tell the kids that, yes, Robbie _is_ a better driver than him, and yes, he’s the best driver in Lazytown.


	3. Chapter 3

Robbie Rotten was on his way back to his lair with an armful of art supplies. Spending his time designing and creating costumes is a fun creative outlet, but he occasionally had a . . . craving, in a way, for other artistic activities. Today, he had baked and decorated the most beautiful cake he had ever seen. It was beautiful, too good to eat (almost), but it didn’t satisfy his creative yearnings. He wanted to preserve this beauty, and a photograph wouldn’t suffice, so he got himself a canvas, some paints, and a collection of brushes to paint an image of the glorious confection.

 

In hindsight, he should have paid the extra few cents for a bag to carry his purchases in. The money really wasn’t an issue, but when the cashier had asked if he wanted to buy a bag, he had blurted out the answer he thought would end the conversation sooner, and ended up being forced to carry his items home in his arms.

 

“Dammit,” he cursed under his breath as a jar of blue paint slipped from the crook of his elbow to the ground, rolling until it was stopped by a tree.

 

As Robbie bent down to pick it up, reaching out to grab the jar, another hand reached out simultaneously, brushing lightly against his. He looked up to see who had stopped to help him out, blushing slightly as he found himself staring into the bright blue eyes of Sportacus.

 

“Hi, Robbie!” Sportacus smiled cheerfully.

 

Robbie, still stunned, allowed Sportacus to grab the paint, and the men stood.

 

“Are you going to paint something?” Sportacus asked unnecessarily, handing Robbie the blue paint. “I didn’t know you liked to paint!”

 

Robbie’s blush deepened. “Y-yes, well, I do have an eye for beauty . . .”

 

“I don’t doubt it,” Sportacus said flirtatiously. “You always look so nice.”

 

The two stood in silence for a beat. Sportacus was blocking Robbie’s path, but Robbie showed no intentions of moving.

 

“So, what are you going to paint?” Sportacus asked.

 

“Oh, um . . .” Robbie shrugged, suddenly forgetting about his cake.

 

“You don’t have a subject yet?” Sportacus mused suggestively. “Maybe I could help you out with that!”

 

“You are very beautiful . . . maybe if you came down to the lair and posed for me, it would . . . inspire me.”

 

“Anything to help!” Sportacus agreed with a wink.

 

He lead Sportacus to his lair and positioned the recliner where it would get the best light, ordering Sportacus to lounge on it and get comfortable. He set up his canvas on an easel and started preparing the paints, stopping for a moment to give Sportacus a disappointed look.

 

“You know, I could see you better if your clothes weren’t in the way,” he said challengingly.

 

Sportacus gave him a smirk and stood to undress, keeping eye-contact with Robbie, who resisted the urge to look over his body. He’d have time for that later. Sportacus resumed his position lounging on the chair, and Robbie began the preliminary sketch.

 

Robbie painted quickly, Sportacus enamored with watching him work, so dedicated and skillful, taking intermittent moments to drink in the sight of his naked body. He had never sat still for so long in his life, but watching Robbie paint was mesmerizing. He was so focused, he moved with such purpose. It amazed Sportacus to think that Robbie knew how to use his hands, the brushes, and the paint, to create a beautiful work of art where only a blank canvas had been before.

 

“All finished,” Robbie declared finally, after hours of working.

 

Sportacus had been so relaxed and comfortable, he almost felt like he was waking from a dream. He sat up, feeling the chill of the air where he left the warmth of the furry orange chair. “Can I see it?”

 

Robbie turned the canvas to him proudly, pleased with end result. It was even more beautiful than his subject, if that was possible.

 

Sportacus, however, frowned. “Is that . . . is that a cake?”

 

The canvas did not, as Sportacus had expected, hold an artful rendering of his nude body. Not at all. Sportacus wasn’t on the canvas at all. The entirety of the canvas was covered in . . . cake.

 

A nice cake, Sportacus thought, it looked like something from a storefront window. Robbie was clearly a skilled artist, it was realistic but still clearly an artist rendering, it didn’t look like a photograph.

 

“What?” Robbie asked defensively. “I never said I was painting _you_.”

 

Sportacus looked around in confusion, finding that behind the recliner and slightly to the side, a gorgeously decorated cake stood on a pedestal. He couldn’t bring himself to be disappointed, because it was true, Robbie _didn’t_ say he was painting him (to think that Robbie had made Sportacus sit still for hours just to ogle his naked body should have been offensive, but he was actually just flattered). However, Sportacus decided, if he played his cards right, he might get that painting anyway.

 

“It’s a shame, I was looking forward to seeing how you saw me,” he admitted truthfully.

 

Robbie shrugged unapologetically.

 

“And getting me to be lazy for an entire afternoon? Definitely one of your most brilliant plans.”

 

Robbie raised an eyebrow, not willing to admit that it hadn’t been his intention.

 

“Maybe we could do this again sometime, if you ever want to _actually_ paint me.”

 

Robbie blushed and shrugged. “I, uh, I could arrange that,” he muttered.


	4. Dolls

Stephanie hurried outside of her house excitedly, still chewing a bit of her toast, anxious to start playing, even though she was usually the first one outside and had to play by herself until her friends showed up. It was a beautiful sunny day, a typical Lazytown morning. She was excited to see what the day had in store for her; sports were fun, but her favorite days were filled with adventures; new games, special visitors, even a scheme from Robbie Rotten.

 

She went to the park and looked around for something to do. While she was considering practicing basketball, she noticed an oddly placed crate that she had never seen before. With a small smile, Stephanie approached, eager to discover a new adventure, but still cautious. On top of the crate was a note that read:

 

_To the children of Lazytown. Love, GG_

 

Stephanie didn’t know who GG was, and a little voice in the back of her mind was telling her that it wasn’t safe to open strange boxes, but she was too excited. It wasn’t too heavy, but she did have to struggle a bit to lift the lid, which was on a hinge and fell over the other side with a squeak and a thud. Inside, Stephanie could see what looked like several colorful dolls. Her eye immediately caught sight of a doll that was wearing a lot of pink, and she reached in and pulled it out.

 

To her delight, the doll was an adorable rendition of Stephanie herself. Her outfit was identical, down to the patterns on her shoes. Even the textures seemed accurate, she noticed as she felt the hem of the dolls dress and then her own. After examining the doll, she looked into the crate and discovered that the rest of the dolls held the likeness of her friends, all with incredible detail; the buttons on Stingy’s vest, the figure on Trixie’s shirt, even Pixel’s headset was replicated to the T. There was even a little Sportacus _and_ a Robbie Rotten!

 

Stephanie giggled and held up the hero and the villain.

 

“Hi Robbie!” she spoke for the Sportacus doll.

 

“Leave me alone, Sportadoll!” she growled for the Robbie doll. “I’m going to make you leave town for _EVER_!”

 

“Hey, Pinkie!” Trixie called out from behind her. “Whatcha got there?”

 

Stephanie turned around and saw Trixie and Pixel coming toward her. “Look what I found! Someone left us a gift!”

 

“What is it?” Pixel asked with interest.

 

The two of them hurried over to look inside the crate.

 

“Wow!” they both exclaimed, each picking up the doll designed to look like them.

 

“These are so cool!” Trixie declared. “Where did they come from?”

 

“I don’t know, look,” Stephanie answered, lifting the lid closed to show them the note.

 

“GG?” Pixel asked. “Who’s GG?”

 

“I have no idea,” Stephanie answered, “but whoever it was, it sure was nice of them to make these toys for us. They must have put a lot of work into it!”

 

“What’s going on, guys?” Ziggy shouted, running up to them as well, with Stingy following close behind.

 

“We found these cool dolls that look like us!” Trixie explained, showing them the note on the crate and the contents inside. The boys exclaimed in awe and quickly claimed the dolls that looked like themselves.

 

“They’re all _mine_!” Stingy cried delightedly.

 

“They’re for _all of us_ , Stingy,” Stephanie admonished.

 

“According to my computer,” Pixel said, holding up his handheld device, “there are no residents of Lazytown with the initials ‘GG’. They must be from outside of town.”

 

“Unless it’s Robbie Rotten,” Ziggy suggested. “He’s always using fake names and disguises!”

 

“Plus he makes clothes and things all the time!” Trixie agreed. “I bet he’d be able to make these easy!”

 

“But why would Robbie Rotten give us toys?” Stingy asked.

 

“Maybe he thinks we’ll play with them quietly inside,” Stephanie guessed, “so they don’t get dirty or something.”

 

“I bet Sportacus could help us figure it out!” Ziggy exclaimed.

 

“Yeah, he’ll probably wanna see his doll, too!” Trixie agreed.

 

Stephanie pulled a page out of her diary and wrote a quick letter to Sportacus, telling him that they wanted him to come play with them and they had a surprise for him. Each of the kids picked up their respective dolls and started checking them over, admiring the accuracy and attention to detail, but of course, Sportacus didn’t keep them waiting long. He came flipping over the wall and landed in front of the crate, hands on his hips and wide smile on his lips.

 

“Hi, kids! What’s going on?”

 

“Sportacus look!” Ziggy said excitedly, holding up the Sportacus doll.

 

“Is that . . . _me_?” Sportacus asked with an unsure smile.

 

“We all have one!” Stephanie informed him, showing him her own doll and the others. “Even Robbie! Someone left them here for us!”

 

She showed him the note on the crate, but he didn’t know who GG was, either. He took his doll from Ziggy and inspected it.

 

“It’s really detailed!” Sportacus admired, deciding the dolls that creeped him out a little bit were actually pretty cool, and they didn’t seem to be suspicious. “I wish we knew who made these, so we can thank them.”

 

“What are you brats so excited about?” a new voice called with a groan. The group turned to see Robbie walking up to them, looking tired and exasperated.

 

“Look, Robbie! Someone gave us dolls that look like us!” Stephanie told him. She picked up the Robbie doll and held it out to him. “See? There’s even one of you!”

 

Robbie took the doll and sneered at it. “Who _made_ these?”

 

“We don’t know,” Sportacus answered. “It just said ‘ _GG_ ’.”

 

“UARGH!” Robbie growled loudly. “ _Glanni_!”

 

He threw his doll to the ground and started stomping away. Stephanie picked it up and called after him.

 

“Wait! Don’t you want your doll?”

 

“NO.”

 

Stephanie’s shoulders slumped, and she turned back to her friends.

 

“Don’t worry about him,” Sportacus comforted her.

 

“Hey, I have an idea!” Ziggy cried. “We should play Lazytown! With the dolls! We can play sports, and get in trouble, then Sportacus can come save the day!”

 

“That’s just what we normally do!” Trixie complained.

 

“What if we all _traded_ _dolls_!” Stephanie suggested. “Then we can play as someone else!”

 

The other kids agreed eagerly.

 

“One of us should be Robbie, and make a scheme that we have to stop!” Trixie said. “Those are always the most fun!”

 

“Then we won’t have enough players!” Stingy told her.

 

“One of us can be two people,” Sportacus said.

 

Stingy gasped. “That should be ME!”

 

“I WANT TO BE SPORTACUS!” Ziggy shouted, throwing a hand into the air.

 

“No fair, _I_ want to be Sportacus!” Pixel argued.

 

They all argued for a moment about who got to be who, until they decided to choose diplomatically.

 

“We’ll put all the names in a dish,” Stephanie explained as she wrote each of their names on slips of paper. “We’ll each pick one, except Stingy can take two since he’s the only one that wants to, and whoever we pick, we’ll stick with no matter what, unless we pick ourselves, then we’ll have to try again.”

 

The first time they drew names, two of them picked their own names, but the second time, everyone got someone else. Stephanie picked Stingy, Pixel picked Trixie, Trixie got Sportacus, Stingy picked Ziggy and Stephanie, Sportacus got Pixel, and Ziggy got Robbie Rotten.

 

All of the children were happy with their chosen dolls and started playing with them (Trixie tossed Sportacus in the air like flips, Stephanie went around claiming things as “mine”, Pixel made Trixie pull a prank on Stingy’s dolls, etc.) . . . except for Ziggy. He looked at the Robbie doll in disappointment. He had really been hoping to get Sportacus.

 

“You have to make a scheme to trick us into being lazy, or to kick Sportacus out of town!” Trixie called to him while she was flying the Sportacus doll around (although Sportacus made his Pixel doll remind her that the chances of Sportacus flying around like that were only 2%). “That’s what we agreed!”

 

“But – but, I don’t know how to be a villain!” Ziggy complained.

 

Stephanie looked at him sympathetically. “That _is_ what we agreed. Anyway, how else would Robbie play with us?”

 

Ziggy sighed and walked away. Sportacus looked after him, wanting to comfort him, but Stingy pulled him into their game, and Stephanie assured him that Ziggy would think of something.

 

Ziggy went to the bench Robbie liked to nap on and sat down, putting the doll next to him. “I don’t know how to be a villain,” he said again with a sigh. “How does he come up with all those schemes all by himself?”

 

After a moment of thinking, he got an idea.

 

“ _I_ can’t think of a scheme, but Robbie can! I’ll just ask the _real_ Robbie for help!”

 

He hopped off the bench and hurried to the billboard Robbie lived behind. He climbed up the little ladder to the hatch and started banging on it. “Robbie! ROBBIE! ARE YOU DOWN THERE!”

 

“Yes, YES! STOP BANGING!” Robbie called from inside the silo before lifting the hatch and towering over Ziggy. “Candy boy! What are you doing here?!”

 

“I need your help!” Ziggy told him, unfazed by Robbie’s intimidation attempts. “We’re playing Lazytown, and I’m supposed to be Robbie Rotten, but I don’t know how to be a villain!” He held up the Robbie doll to give credence to his story.

 

Robbie frowned at him. “That’s not my problem.”

 

“Oh, please, help me! I don’t know how to make a scheme! I’ll-I’ll give you all my BEST CANDY!”

 

“Go away, kid, I don’t have time for your games. Being a villain is hard work!”

 

“That’s why I need help!” Ziggy looked down sadly. “Please, I don’t want to let my friends down!”

 

Robbie looked down at the despondent boy. He opened his mouth to deny him once again, but a small sniffle tugged at his heart strings. He sighed dramatically. “Oh, alright, I will _help_ you, but ONLY because I don’t want you _disgracing_ my villainous name with some shoddy thrown-together prank.”

 

Ziggy lit up immediately and beamed up at the villain. “Wow, Robbie, really?! Thank you so much! I’ll make it up to you, I promise!”

 

“Alright, alright, let’s get to work, I want this done as quickly as possible.”

 

He climbed back down into his ladder and Ziggy followed clumsily behind him. When Ziggy had righted himself from his awkward landing, Robbie gestured dramatically to his lair.

 

“Welcome to my lair! _Every_ villain worth his salt has one! AND, being villain number ONE, I have the _best_! You lucked out getting villain lessons from _me_!” he bragged.

 

“Okay, but I don’t need my own lair, do I?” Ziggy asked worriedly. “I only need one scheme.”

 

Robbie frowned and twitched his mustache. “Well, since your so young, I guess we can call this a ‘trial run’. In any case, it’ll look good on your resume if you ever decide to take up villainy.”

 

Ziggy decided not to tell him that he actually hoped to be a hero, not wanting to offend the man that was helping him.

 

“So. What sort of scheme is sparking your interest today?”

 

“Oh, uh, I don’t know,” Ziggy answered. “That’s why I came to you.”

 

Robbie considered this. “Well. Sometimes I get inspiration from spying on the town. Shall we see what they’re up to today?”

 

Ziggy was lead up to the platform with Robbie’s disguise tubes, looking up at them in awe. Robbie pulled his periscope down and looked through it, twisting it around and pulling some levers until he spotted the gaggle of children. “Ah-HAH!” he declared.

 

“What is it? What do you see?!” Ziggy asked excitedly, jumping up and down.

 

Robbie looked down at him, noticing he was too short to see out the periscope, and pulled a stool out from under his organ and lifted Ziggy to stand on it. Ziggy looked out the periscope, dutifully holding up the Robbie doll, too, since it was really the doll that was supposed to be making this scheme, not Ziggy.

 

Ziggy watched his friends running around the sports field with the dolls. They were playing a game of soccer, holding their dolls and calling out to each other in their imitation of the voice of the dolls they were holding. Stephanie was using her Stingy doll to try to take possession of the soccer ball, Stingy was having the Stephanie doll help the Ziggy doll run faster, and Sportacus had the Pixel doll acting as goalie. Ziggy watched jealously as Trixie made the Sportacus doll do one of his fancy tricks and kicked the ball really far, technically cheating, but since it was a pretend game instead of actual soccer, it didn’t count as cheating.

 

Ziggy sighed, wishing he was playing with his friends instead of watching them play from Robbie’s cold, underground hovel.

 

“Hmm, not very inspiring, is it?” Robbie said thoughtfully. He lifted Ziggy off the stool and put him back on the ground. “Well, I like to keep things simple and stick to two kinds of schemes; tricking you kids into being lazy and unhealthy, or kicking Sportacus out of town. What do you want to do?”

 

“Um, I don’t really want to get rid of Sportacus . . . can we do something with candy? Those are always my favorite!”

 

Robbie twisted his hands together. “Well, I do have a candy scheme planned . . . but it’s so good, do I really want to give it up for your game?”

 

“Oh, please, Robbie! I bet it will be so much fun!”

 

“Ugh, alright, only because I’m too lazy to think of another scheme right now.”

 

Robbie hurried over to the middle of his room, Ziggy following behind with his doll, and pulled a chalkboard seemingly out of nowhere. The board was already covered in drawings, depicting the children eating candy and Sportacus laying on the ground in a sugar meltdown. He also wheeled in a cart full of candies with wrappers that had pictures of sports candy on them.

 

“Now. I – and by ‘I’, I mean you, - I will bring these candies to the children, and tell them they are sugar-free health candies! Then, when they are all eating these treats, we’ll tell Sportaflop that they are perfect for blue jumping-beans, too! He’ll try the candy, and have a sugar meltdown! AH HAH HAH!!!”

 

“That doesn’t sound very nice,” Ziggy said worriedly. He didn’t want to give Sportacus a sugar meltdown, they seemed scary.

 

“Urgh. But it won’t be _Sportagoof_ eating the candy, it will be the pigtail girl and her little doll, right?” Robbie said persuasively.

 

“Oh, yeah, that’s right!” Ziggy agreed. “But, how will we convince them to eat the candy?”

 

“That’s my favorite part!” Robbie exclaimed. He then held up a finger proudly. “It’s DISGUISE TIME! . . . Now you try.”

 

Ziggy lifted the Robbie doll and held up its right hand. “It’s disguise time!” he said cheerfully.

 

Robbie pursed his lips at him. “Needs work. BUT! There’s no time for that now! Follow me!” He hurried back to the platform, climbing the stairs and stopping in front of the first disguise tube. “This is the part where we choose the perfect disguise!”

 

He looked over the first disguise, a green and gold suit covered in dollar signs.

 

“Hmm. Too wealthy,” he determined, moving on to the next one.

 

Ziggy held the doll up to the disguise tube and mimicked Robbie. “Hmm. Too wealthy.”

 

The next disguise tube had a black ninja suit, complete with a mask that covered the mannequin’s entire face except the eyes. “Too stealthy,” Robbie decided.

 

Ziggy mimicked that one, too. “Too stealthy.”

 

The next disguise was a tracksuit with shorts, sweatbands on the head and wrists, and running shoes, also including a water bottle and a whole carrot. Robbie looked at Ziggy expectantly to see if the kid was catching on.

 

“Um, too . . . healthy!” Ziggy said.

 

Robbie grinned proudly. “Hah ha! That’s it! You’re getting it!”

 

The next tube contained the suit Robbie and his replica were already wearing. Robbie looked it up and down appreciatively and straightened his vest, not saying anything, but Ziggy attempted to have his doll imitate Robbie’s appraisal of the outfit anyway.

 

“Ah ha! Perfect!” Robbie exclaimed as they reached the last tube. It was a simple scientist disguise, a lab coat and goggles, with a professional looking mustache and a white briefcase that had pictures of beakers and test tubes filled with bubbling liquid. “Here, put the doll here!” Robbie instructed, bringing the stool back out from the organ.

 

Ziggy set the doll on the stool, and Robbie spun the stool and pulled a lever. Ziggy watched in astonishment as the disguise was sucked out of the tube and appeared on the doll, the perfect size and everything.

 

“Wow, how did you do that?”

 

“It’s all part of the magic of villainy,” Robbie answered. “Now, here’s the plan: you take these candies up to the surface, and give them to the children. Tell them you are testing sugar-free sports candy candy, and that it needs lots of testing before it can be mass-produced. Then, when they are all eating the candy, you lure Sportahealth away and tell him it needs extra testing to be sure it’s safe for slightly-below-average heroes, and take him somewhere the kids won’t see or they’ll ruin everything. Then, give him the candy, he passes out, and . . .”

 

“And?” Ziggy asked eagerly.

 

Robbie shrugged. “That’s all. I was going to pack Sportacus in a crate and mail him to China, but I think the children might be upset if you did that with their toy. Perhaps, this time, since it’s just a game, you can let them win.”

 

“But Robbie, we always win!” Ziggy reminded him.

 

Robbie sputtered indignantly. “ _What_?! Ridiculous! I’ve never heard such lies! Anyway, you’d better get going. I’m late for my mid-afternoon nap.”

 

“Wait! I still need help!” Ziggy begged. “I need help getting all that candy out there! And then, well, don’t you think you could stick around, to make sure I do everything right?”

 

Robbie cringed and growled rubbing his eyes in exaggerated exhaustion. “No, no, no, I can’t, it’s too much!” he whined.

 

“Please, Robbie?” Ziggy insisted. “Unless . . . you don’t want me to tarnish your villainous name, do you?”

 

“How do you know what ‘tarnish’ means?”

 

“I know it’s just a game, but it is _your_ idea, and what if I mess it up? You don’t want it getting around to the other villains, do you?”

 

Robbie gasped and put a hand to his heart. “I would expect this kind of behavior from Stinky or the Loud Girl, but you?! I’m shocked! . . . you really are getting a hang of this!” he finished proudly. “Alright, you’ve twisted my arm. Let’s get going!”

 

Meanwhile, Stingy was using the Stephanie doll to teach all the other dolls a dance, which involved a lot of tossing the dolls into the air so they could ‘flip’. Sportacus was a little worried they would damage the dolls, but they seemed pretty sturdy, and the kids liked seeing how high he could throw the Pixel doll, doing a couple of flips before it came down and he caught it again. He looked around the park again, as he had many times that day, looking for Ziggy with the Robbie doll. He was beginning to worry Ziggy had given up and gone home. He decided if it took much longer, he would go find Ziggy himself and invite him to play with them again. He could ask Stingy to give up the Stephanie doll, or maybe he could take Pixel and Sportacus would just watch them play.

 

It didn’t end up coming to that. Soon enough, they heard Ziggy’s shrill voice, poorly disguised with some kind of undeterminable accent. “Ladies and gentlemen!” he announced. “Everyone please, gather round!”

 

“Ziggy’s here!” Stephanie said excitedly. They all ran over to where Ziggy was, holding the Robbie Rotten doll. The real Robbie Rotten appeared to be trying to hide behind a large cart full of candy.

 

“I am a super smart scientist man!” Ziggy told them with the doll.

 

“No, you’re not!” Trixie said with the Sportacus doll. “You’re Robbie Rotten!”

 

“Hey, that’s not fair!” Ziggy said as himself. “You said I couldn’t play with you unless I made a scheme, and now I did! You have to let me do it!”

 

“Ziggy’s right,” Stephanie said. “The Robbie doll is in a _disguise_ , so even though _we_ know it’s him, our _dolls_ don’t!”

 

“Oh, okay, fine,” Trixie sighed.

 

“As I was saying, I am a super smart scientist man, and we have been working on a formula to make _sports candy_ candy!”

 

“Sports candy candy?” Stingy asked with the Ziggy doll. “What does that mean?”

 

“It’s candy that tastes as sweet as real candy, but is as healthy as sports candy!”

 

“Is that possible?” Sportacus asked with the Pixel doll, but sounding a lot like he was actually concerned himself.

 

“Well, uh . . .” Ziggy looked unsurly at Robbie, who flapped his hands insistently in a ‘go on’ motion. “Yes, yes it is possible. Anything is possible with science! But, uh, like all new inventions, this requires lots and lots of testing! So I was wondering if you kids could all please help me test these?”

 

The kids all agreed enthusiastically. “What do we need to do to help?” Stingy’s Stephanie doll asked.

 

“Just eat as much of this candy as you can, and tell us how it tastes!” Ziggy said, gesturing to the life size wagon of candy.

 

“Can we really eat this candy, Ziggy?” Stingy asked out of character. Ziggy gave the affirmative, and they all descended on the candy, except Sportacus, but he did hold the Pixel doll close to the others.

 

Ziggy stopped Trixie. “Um, excuse me, sir,” he said in his fake voice, “we have a super special secret formula for heroes, so you can eat candy without even going into a sugar meltdown! But we need your help testing it, so could you come to this secret area and help us test it? Please?”

 

“No way, I wanna stay here with my friends!” Trixie announced.

 

“Trixie,” Sportacus said to her, “if someone asked me to help them with something, I think I would try to help them, if I could. I think you should go with him.”

 

Trixie sighed again. “Ugh, okay! I’ll try your candy.”

 

Ziggy took her to a more secluded area and gave her a piece of taffy. “But, Trixie, it isn’t really sports candy candy, it’s regular candy, so you have to go into a sugar meltdown now.”

 

“What? That’s dumb! Then I won’t get to play anymore!”

 

“You didn’t let me play earlier,” he reminded her again. “Besides, you get to be _Sportacus_. That’s not fair for the rest of us, we all wanted to be Sportacus, too!”

 

“Fine!” Trixie snapped, tossing the doll unceremoniously to the ground. “This game is dumb, anyway. I can’t wait ‘til we’re done.”

 

She folded her arms and pouted, but Ziggy was glad she was playing along.

 

Ziggy looked up as Robbie crawled around the wall, apparently trying to avoid being seen by the kids and dragged into their game. “What do we do now, huh?” he asked the expert villain.

 

“Now, we take a break to enjoy our victory. There will be time to launch Sportacus out of town later,” Robbie said, hoping Ziggy wouldn’t comment on how this was actually a terrible time for a break and was likely the cause of his past failures. Ziggy didn’t comment, however, sitting to lean against the wall in imitation of Robbie. He had snagged a few candies and shared them with Ziggy and even Trixie, so they could snack on them while they waited, occasionally peeking over the wall at the rest of the kids.

 

They were happy to eat the sweets, but also eager to play out the rest of the scheme, so after a few minutes, Stingy held up the Stephanie doll. “Hey, I wonder where Sportacus is? It’s been a long time, and I wonder how he liked the special candy!”

 

“Didn’t the scientist say it still needed lots of testing?” Pixel said with the Trixie doll. “What if it didn’t work and he went into a sugar meltdown!”

 

“That’s terrible!” Sportacus said with the Pixel doll. “Maybe we should go look for him?”

 

“But I want to stay here and eat candy all day!” Stingy said with the Ziggy doll, then held up the Stephanie doll. “Pixel is right, Ziggy. It’s important to take care of our friends. We should make sure he’s okay.”

 

Stephanie held up the Stingy doll. “Then, if he’s okay, we can come back here and keep eating _my_ – I mean, _our_ – candy.”

 

“I think I saw them go behind that wall over there,” Sportacus said, holding up the hand of the Pixel doll to point to where Ziggy and Trixie were watching them from behind the short yellow wall.

 

The other kids hurried to bring their puppets over there, stopping to gasp in alarm when they saw the Sportacus doll laying in a heap on the ground.

 

“Oh, no!” Stephanie gasped, holding up the Stingy doll. “Sugar meltdown!”

 

“We have to get him Sportscandy, quick!” Sportacus said with the Pixel doll.

 

Ziggy watched with concern while the kids and their puppets began looking for the nearest sportscandy, finally settling on a pretty red apple hanging from a tree nearby. As they planned out how to get the apple down from so high up, Robbie poked Ziggy in the side.

 

“What are you doing?! Stop them!” he hissed urgently.

 

Ziggy gasped and stood up quickly, grabbing the Robbie doll. “Hey you kids!” he called out to them, forgetting his fake accent at first. “Um, you stop that! Don’t give him any sportscandy, it will ruin the tests!”

 

“How can you do any tests on him like this?” Stingy said with the Stephanie doll. “He needs help now!”

 

Using a series of hastily put-together mechanisms, the kids used their puppets to launch a baseball at the tree. Sportacus used the Pixel doll (and a little help from the real Pixel) to calculate their aim, and they knocked the apple out of the tree on the first try. Stephanie used the Stingy doll to pick up the apple and rush it over to the Sportacus doll.

 

“No, you can’t!” Ziggy said urgently. “I’ll never be able to complete the formula if you give him sportscandy!”

 

“I think your formula needs more work before it’s safe for testing!” Sportacus said with the Pixel doll.

 

Stephanie handed the apple to Trixie, who took a large bite out of it before holding up the Sportacus doll triumphantly. “You did it! I feel much better now!”

 

Ziggy started to run over to yell at them about ruining his experiment some more, but he tripped on a loose shoelace and fell to his knees, dropping the Robbie doll. He wasn’t hurt, so he got up quickly and bent to pick up the doll. He grabbed it by the mini science coat he was wearing, but when he lifted it, the coat came off, leaving the Robbie doll with no disguise when he picked him up again.

 

The other kids gasped in unison. “ _Robbie Rotten_!”

 

“ _What_?!” Robbie snapped angrily, before remembering they meant the doll. “Oh, um, nothing, nevermind. Whatever.”

 

“Whatever!” Ziggy mimicked, making the doll stomp away in a huff.

 

The rest of the kids did the Bing Bang song; Stingy wasn’t very good at making the Stephanie doll do the right dance moves, and Trixie went back to throwing the Sportacus doll up into the air rather than attempt the complicated moves like Stingy did. Stephanie and Sportacus clapped and laughed at the performance, using their own dolls to sing and dance around as well.

 

After their dance, the kids decided everyone should keep the doll that looked like themselves, and they each took their respective doll home for dinner. Sportacus picked up the abandoned Robbie doll and headed down the road where he had seen Robbie sneak off after Ziggy’s scheme. He caught up to the other man quickly and did a flip over his head to land in front of him.

 

“Hi, Robbie!” he said cheerfully. “Thank you so much for playing with us today! Even though I’m not very good at pretend games, it was the most fun I’ve had in a long time!”

 

“I did not _play_ with you,” Robbie sneered. “I was just making sure the candy boy didn’t do anything to tarnish the bad name of villainy. Even if it was just for a child’s game, there’s no excuse for shoddy villain work.”

 

“Well, I thought it was very, uh, villainous of you,” Sportacus said, choosing his words carefully to make sure Robbie understood it as a compliment. “And I know Ziggy thought so, too. He was worried he wouldn’t have any fun when he chose the Robbie doll.”

 

“What? That’s ridiculous. I’m loads of fun.”

 

“I know!” Sportacus assured him. “Anyway, we each decided to keep our own dolls, so, here.” He held out the Robbie doll for him to take.

 

Robbie looked at the doll like Sportacus was trying to hand him a dirty sock. “You know, I don’t think I have much use for a doll that looks like me,” Robbie said, secretly thinking that he actually already had one, although it wasn’t as nicely crafted. “Why don’t you keep it for me, and I’ll let you know if I change my mind and want it back.”

 

“Really, Robbie?” Sportacus asked all excited. “That’s very nice of you! I’ll make sure to take good care of it!”

 

“You do that,” Robbie said, not really caring. “Now it’s very late, don’t you go to bed at, like, 5?”

 

“8:08,” Sportacus reminded him, and he still had a couple of hours before then, but he recognized Robbie’s attempts to end the conversation. “But, yes, I suppose I should be going. I’ll see you soon, I hope?”

 

“Yeah, sure, sure,” Robbie said dismissively, waving a hand in his face and stalking past him to get to his billboard.

 

“Okay, thanks again, Robbie! I really mean it!”

 

Robbie didn’t respond except for an exasperated sound, so Sportacus just smiled fondly at him and then at his two dolls.


End file.
